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Carly Pearce has revealed the hardest part of her short-lived marriage to country singer Michael Ray: that she knew it was a mistake the night she got married. Appearing on Bunnie XO’s Dumb Blonde podcast, the Grammy award-winning singer shared that her relationship with Michael Ray started as a “hot and heavy lust” and that the lack of love on her part was a red flag that led to the divorce between them, just eight months after they wed.

Pearce, who grew up in Kentucky and found fame with songs like Every Little Thing and Should’ve Known Better, met her ex-husband while they were both under record labels. They started dating shortly after and were wed in 2019. In the podcast interview, Pearce revealed that, on their first meeting, she thought that she was making the right decision in getting to know him and eventually marrying him. “I thought he was so cute,” she told Bunnie while reminiscing about the early days of the relationship. “I’d heard he’s the nicest guy in the world. I invited him to my No. 1 party for Every Little Thing. Looking back on it, it was a hot and heavy lust. It wasn’t love. It was just passionate.”

Pearce was also quick to make clear that she went into the marriage intending to work it out and that she had no intention of walking away just a few months in. “I got married to go the distance. When I married him, it was for the right reasons,” she added, while pointing out that, in retrospect, both of them should have had a lot of real conversations about their relationship before tying the knot. “We didn’t have real conversations, and we didn’t really know about each other. We were kind of living this life that wasn’t really reality,” she elaborated.

Pearce continued by revealing that she knew right on her wedding day that she had made a mistake by marrying her husband. “I knew the night I got married that I shouldn’t have,” she added, while also thanking the pandemic for making her life private and for not having to confront her fans with the news before the relationship naturally came to an end. “I think the best thing that ever happened to me was COVID because it allowed me to deal with that in private. I probably would have stayed in it longer if I could have avoided it and not had to. … I was embarrassed when it happened … and I had shame around that and was heartbroken.”

Divorce, rumors, and the place where she found her worth

Pearce filed for divorce in 2020 after only eight months of marriage to Ray. She has not detailed the exact circumstances of the divorce, but admitted that it became apparent that it was not working and, in fact, was not the marriage that she ever thought she was signing up for. “It wasn’t what I signed up for,” she revealed on Bunnie’s podcast. “It just wasn’t the marriage that I knew I deserved. I knew that very quickly. Plenty happened to where it was very clear to me this was not, this just wasn’t a marriage.”

The podcast also saw Pearce and Bunnie briefly touch on rumors that Ray was cheating during their relationship. Without directly confirming the allegation, she said that it was hard enough to deal with the rumors on social media because she felt as if people did not trust what she was saying. “People have all their opinions, and, at first, that was so hard for me because I was like, ‘That’s not true, that’s not true, that’s not true. What he’s saying isn’t true.’ But, at the end of the day, my friends who walked that with me know. My parents know, and God knows, and that is enough. It’s enough.”

In the end, Pearce said she came out of the whole experience with a better sense of self because she was able to see her worth. “I am in the happiest season of my life,” she also said. “If I ever saw him, if he ever watches this, thank you, because you taught me more about myself. You taught me how strong I am. You put me through things that have made me better now. And I don’t wish him evil. I don’t wish anything on him. I’m so glad that I’m not in that anymore.”

In fact, the whole process also made Pearce see a new part of herself. “I think I was really shown just how much I care about myself,” she added. “I actually really have a lot of self-worth, and that showed me that.”

Now that she has moved on with her life and her career is back on track, and her personal life is happily under control, Pearce wants to be grateful for the experience. “I feel very grateful and proud of myself now that I’m on this other side because I’ve allowed myself to experience so many emotions,” she said. “Even the embarrassment at one point was just, oh, this sucks to be me. But I was embarrassed.”